Audra Lynn Richardson

To My Cousin, Our relationship became like granules of sand slipping through a clasped hand. Time was our enemy and like all things…. I naturally assumed that those relationships built would stand without effort and be ready for me to return to with open arms. Life itself has a funny way of altering perception. You can imagine how I felt when my brother called to tell me that at first you had an accident and you passed…. You could understand my dismay and sadness to learn that accident was purposeful and self-inflicted. Audra, you can understand my very anger and confusion when searching for your name…. I found nothing. No obituary…. No kind words……This became surreal to me. I thought I was imagining your death for the past few days until I learned on Friday that you were having a memorial service hours before it was to commence. I, unfortunately, would not be able to accomplish a 16-hour drive in a matter of 4 hours. In a way, this letter to you is a matter of atonement. Atonement for absent words and an absent cousin. You were fire to me…. a contradiction in the highest form of praise. I aspired to be you during my youth. You were this effortlessly beautiful, confident, and this cool girl who seemed to have every opportunity in the world at a simple grasp. You were an original, who didn’t appear to be conflicted with popular culture but stood on your own as the unique individual that you are. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you how much I envied that of you. Perhaps if we remained close, I would have learned that. I must apologize on many accounts. One for not remaining in touch with you. It is serendipitous that the passing of my father founded our reconnection. I’m sorry for all that you endured and I’m especially sorry that the concept of family…. the true meaning of family was lost within all the chaos. Had I known what I know now…. Audra……I don’t know what I could have done as a child, but I do know that I wouldn’t have let you go through any darkness alone. I believed you. Audra, you are not forgotten. You are loved, believed, and will be missed